Pizza Man – Fear Controls my Life

Recently we had a Coaching with Excellence event here in Franklin, TN.  On the closing night it seemed no one wanted to leave – so we ordered pizza to be delivered.

When the order arrived I slipped out to the kitchen to thank the delivery man.  He tentatively asked, “Isn’t this the Sanctuary?”  He proceeded to tell me that he’s been a reader of my 48Days materials for years, knows all about the Sanctuary, but then added, “Fear controls my life.”

Sometimes it appears that fear of success is stronger than fear of failure.   The unknown is a scary place – staying with a familiar mediocrity may be less intimidating than trying something new.  With no clear goals and no cheering from those around you, boring but predictable careers are born and maintained.

Delivering pizzas is a worthy occupation.  But I really expect that most 46-yr-old-men see it as a stepping stone to something else.  Don’t let fear keep you in a red shirt.

Is your desire for your dream stronger than your fear?

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Failing at Work?

Gandhi’s family sacrificed everything they had to send him to law school.  Gandhi graduated and passed the bar, but unfortunately, he was so shy that whenever he stood up in court all he could do was stammer.  He lost every one of his cases – a total failure as a courtroom attorney.  Then he went off to South Africa, where he found his passion and his voice by challenging racial and social injustice – and brought England to its knees.

In a note to our family the week before he left on his first trip to Rwanda four years ago, my son Jared said this: I am a bit intimidated by the magnitude of this project, and the possibility of it affecting so many lives, but I’m equally excited and I know I have the passion and determination to see it through, even if I am shaking in my boots. My passion for these people always exceeds my fears of inadequacy. In realizing that, I regain the confidence I need. (see http://www.keza.com/ )

Now there’s a key for overcoming the fears of inadequacy. My passion exceeds my fears. Staying true to your calling will release a passion for what you are doing; that will in turn override your fears of inadequacy.

Work at what you love. You’ll never work more willingly, passionately, and fearlessly than when you work in line with your passion—where your life will speak. The extra boost of enthusiasm and energy generated by a clear passion will propel you to a level of success unattainable with any other motivation. If fear is crippling or limiting you, perhaps you are trying to do work that is not your passion. Working with raw ability alone is ultimately not enough to keep you going.

Do You Have PLSD?

Well, here’s a new term for you.  There is growing body of evidence that says survivors of layoffs often experience severe feelings of fear, grief, guilt and anger – and it’s called Post-Layoff Survivor Disorder (PLSD).  Of course we need a name for any malady, probably a psychiatric category, a way to file an insurance claim – and basically an excuse for the negative feelings.  Closely related to Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD), Post-Layoff Survivor Disorder victims (meaning you still have your job) should try these tips: 

• Talk to someone about your feelings.  Don’t just bottle it up and keep it in – find a coach, counselor, co-worker or friend to share your guilt and fear.  Try this before pills or medical claims.
• Connect with your recently departed colleagues.  While you suspect they hate you for being allowed to stay, you may be surprised to find they are relieved and excited about all the possibilities.  Hopefully their enthusiasm will be contagious and help you endure the stress of your ongoing position.
• Find ways to increase your contribution where you are.  You may not be happy about having to do your own work and the work of three people who were let go, but show the company you are up to the challenge.
• Continue to clarify your highest areas of competence.  Don’t assume you’ll be at the same place forever – make sure you know how to describe your marketable skills in three sentences.
• Don’t allow your fear and anger to sabotage your best work.  Take a deep breath, take a brisk walk around the parking lot, release those negative emotions and get back to work.
• Make sure you have a life outside of your “work.”  Remember, work is simply one tool for a successful life.  Jobs come and go, but that should not change the direction or quality of your “life.”

 And be confident that if your guilt and fear are not addressed, you are probably sabotaging your current position anyway and will soon join the ranks of the laid-off where you will no longer have to suffer from PLSD.