Sucked into the “blackness”

Questions like these are arriving daily:

Dan, Help me, I’m miserable, my current job is literally ruining my life. I’m a fairly young man with a family.  I feel I’m stuck in my current position to “pay the bills” but it is making me severely depressed and affecting every part of my life.  I need to find my passion but I don’t even know where to start. I feel like giving up and accepting my fate.

I’m a single mom, 50+ and in a teenager wage job! If that weren’t bad enough, it’s like Jr high there! I am SICK every Sunday night about going & in 7th heaven when I take a few days off. No other income & few opportunities here. I don’t make enough to live on & today I just can’t take anymore! PLEASE HELP!

Dan, at 35, I feel my job is sucking the life out of me. I have been with the same agency for over 8 years. I lost myself, and got sucked into all the “blackness”. Frequent sickness, weight gain, grouchy with my family, and more recently withdrawal from all my relationships – I know where I am is toxic but I’m at a loss of how to turn around or even down a different path.

“People who are unemployed think the worse possible outcome is not finding another job,” says Richard Bolles, author of What Color is Your Parachute? “Actually, the worst part is losing your self-esteem. You start thinking, ‘What’s wrong with me?’”

But losing self-esteem can happen without a job — or with a job that’s sucking the life out of you.

  • You can’t do great work at something you don’t enjoy
  • If your work is sucking the life out of you, find something you care about
  • I know you’re talented, but maybe not for what you are doing now
  • If you’re miserable, you clearly are not using your strongest talents
  • Don’t try to “be responsible” by staying in a job you hate
  • Don’t think you’ll just stay with it until you’re out of debt – change now – it’s a whole lot easier making money doing something you love

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10 Responses to “Sucked into the “blackness””

  1. ale Says:

    this is me. I am 45 and so unhappy. the work is dull and boring. I can live with that most of the time. What I hate is that I have jerk bosses who micromanage and treat me like I am 4 years old. Im not allowed to make any decisions. everything I do is micromanaged. I don’t have any freedom to think on my own or make any decisions. I think they want to fire me but have not figured a way how to do it yet.

  2. Mike Says:

    I’ve been trying to implement this in my life. It is helping me have a better attitude about my job – although it’s still a long way off 🙂

    I would encourage others to try it.

  3. Mike Trull Says:

    I am in the process. After reading 48 Days and much prayer and talking with my wife I decided to do what I’ve always wanted to do– drive big-rigs. Wanting to find a local job where I’m home daily is another hurdle but one that I will overcome. I looked into the schooling and as it conflicted with my old job’s schedule I gave 6 weeks notice and left my old job on good terms. I didn’t even hate my old job, but I didn’t love it either. (I also sell synthetic lubricants for all types of vehicles through my website because I like to do it.) My bosses and coworkers understood and wish me well. I am now looking for a job after completing the schooling and obtaining my CDL class A. Driving the trucks at the school reinforced what I already knew– that God made me to drive, back, turn, shift gears, and everything else there is to driving a tractor-trailer! I love it. I have a phone interview tomorrow and I feel very qualified for the job. To those that feel hopeless: pray and ask God to open doors for you and to show you what your passions are.

  4. Marla Martenson Says:

    I was in a job that was making me ill for years. It seemed like I was always at the doctor getting a prescription for bronchitis or some affliction. I had a boss who was younger than me making stupid comments and putting down my looks. I finally took the leap and quit. I was nervous since there was a recession, but I did it regardless. I used the skills that I learned on the job and started my own company from home and am making the same amount of money I was making before, but now I am the boss and I make my own schedule. And I have not even had a tiny cold since I went out on my own. I feel fantastic!

  5. Paulette Vickers Says:

    Check out for a tool to help with discovering your best career/job fit. This tool is amazing!

  6. Belle Says:

    I’ve been dragging myself to a job for the last 6 years–a job paid quite well, but by turns has made me angry, frustrated, depressed–you name it. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve dissolved into tears on my way to work, or on my way home… or on Sunday night as I got my clothes ready for Monday. I’ve been in the middle manager sandwich–having to deal with my own employees and their issues, as well as the issues of my boss above me. I’ve had great reviews, but have never thought I was being especially effective, and no promotions happened, either. I was putting in 55+ hours a week, and ended up losing an important relationship in part because of my job.

    I finally cut the cord and quit. In response, my boss offered me the promotion that I’d been wanting. I found that it was easy at that point to say “no thank you.” I’m currently unemployed by choice, but am looking and actually feel healthier–mentally AND physically–than I have in 6 years. I feel more optimistic and am enjoying life for the first time in a long time, and am much more in touch with my spiritual life as well.

    Nothing is worth staying in a bad situation that’s sucking the life out of you. My friend told me one time “You wouldn’t stay if your boyfriend was abusing you. Why do you stay in a job that abuses you?” Good question.

  7. Mary Says:

    The 50+ single mom could be me. Two years after losing my husband, I decided to sell my home, and move in with my daughter to help her out with her little one. After taking full-time work when it was offered to me (because of health insurance), I realize I’ve settled for less than I wanted for myself. With my daughter expecting a second child in October, I’m planning to quit my job to take on the “nanny” position, but need an income (they can’t afford to pay me much). Right now, I am beginning to work on my dream of writing. I believe that now is the time to really pursue this, and I’ve been looking into writer’s groups in the area, and have been reading as much as possible regarding the craft and business of writing. I am excited about this move and know it is where my heart is.

  8. Friday Good Reads : Rent vs Buy, Do something amazing now, Self-esteem, Job Satisfaction | Young and Prosperous Says:

    […] Sucked into blackness – Losing self-esteem is worse than losing your job. […]

  9. Mike Says:

    For almost five years I worked for a company that was sucking the life out of me. I am usually a laid-back type of person but I found myself becoming increasingly angry, frustrated, and depressed by my work situation. My boss was very abusive and the work environment became combative. Fights were actually breaking out among the line workers because of the stress they were under. I bought several of your CDs and listened to them over and over again while driving to and from work. It gave me hope! I totally agree with your statements about being happiest and most productive when you do something you love. I ended up quitting that job, even without having another job to go to because I could not take it any longer. It was the best decision I have ever made. It took courage but it paid off. I soon found a better job where I am treated more professionally and actually have better pay and benefits. Thanks for all your efforts in developing the material you sell. It enourgaed me to find a better work situation and that I did not have to stay in a bad situation that was ruining my mental and physical health. It is good to be reminded of how God has made us to work and enjoy the “fruits of our labor”. God bless you in all you do!

  10. Kris Says:

    I’ve so been there. I worked for a company that sucked the very life out of me for 7 years. I cried every morning in the parking lot, often found myself in tears during the day and cried myself to sleep at night. I had always felt like a calm, rational person but the rage I felt was actually frightening. There were many days I found myself feeling death would be preferable to going to “that place” every day. I was afraid to stay and afraid to leave.

    About the time I picked up “48 Days” I was fired from the job and I was suddenly free but scared. I now work part time in a childcare facility at a 75% pay reduction but I’ve never been happier. The worst day with the children is better than the best day at the old place. I am currently looking into programs to obtain my teaching license and no longer dread getting out of bed in the morning. I finally feel like I am where I belong personally and professionally.

    I’m loving my new life.

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