Here’s a question with a common theme:
“Dan, I have a successful side business built around a weekly podcast I’ve been running now, part time for the past 5 years. Successful meaning it fills a need, has a large, loyal following and it generates a good supplemental income. I’m miserable at my full time job- not only is it an hour and a half commute, 50+ hours a week taken away from my family, odd working hours and the salary not being competitive I’m physically drained and not mentally or physically healthy. I’m thinking of going full time internet business because when I put 100% of myself into it - I come alive, the business financially comes even more alive and I’m able to balance my life out.
The problem is my wife is not supportive of the idea. She feels safer with the weekly paycheck and the health benefits. I feel as though I’m honoring my wife but suffering inside and cheating my kids of a Dad during the best years of their lives.”
Let’s just deal with three major issues here:
- The job is “safer and more secure.” In today’s workplace that is probably not true at all. No job is secure. And if you are miserable, you are likely beginning to sabotage your position there. You simply cannot do well in a job where you are miserable, physically drained and unhealthy mentally. Your chances of success are greatly enhanced in doing work where you “come alive.”
- With your current state of misery your feelings of “honoring” your wife will certainly turn to resentment – sooner than later.
- The fact that your wife wants you to continue in something where you are miserable and killing yourself raises some real red flags about your relationship. Sit down with a coach or counselor and present the facts as you have here. Get some outside advice about your best options.
My wife, Joanne, would have been very content if I had just gotten a regular job with a paycheck when we first married – or anytime since then. But she laughs in thinking about me having a “real” job. She knows how I am wired for change and innovation and she supports that in me even though there has been little “security” through the years. “Honoring” one another in marriage means embracing how God has uniquely gifted each of us – and trusting that passion and joy will release more success than obligation.